The Proper Method of Securing Scotch
On a recent excursion into the wilds – ultimately a routine effort to procure some suitable libations for a small gathering of friends – it struck me that in order to properly purchase a fine bottle of Scotch, it is crucial to use the correct methods.
A fine Scotch and accompanying sustenance can only be enjoyed if all precautions and preliminary steps are taken to ensure that the evening will not be degradated with social incidents and faux pas!
Rather, take the necessary precautions and your efforts will result in the satisfaction that you, and only you, have followed the Amalgamated 10,000’s Method of Scotch Procurement.
Crucial to this process is Step One:
Research the internet for a local, yet suitably-equipped Subaru Dealership. This is critical, as all following procedures fall in place. Deviating form the procedure will will result in a less than satisfactory outcome.
Step Two:
Inquire with selected dealership about the outright purchase of a Subura Impreza WRX STI Limited Edition. Do not be swayed by the common salesperson’s pleading to possibly glance at a lesser Impreza, or even something called a “Legacy.” Legacies are for the deceased.
Step Three:
Crucial to this purchase is that your STI come only in “WR Blue Mica,” as this is the best color option and an all other color choices are secondary in nature and acceptability.
Step Four:
Wait 3 months for your custom built, limited edition Impreza to arrive from Japan with only 8 miles on the odometer. This guarantees that only you have used the vehicle to retrieve that golden elixir we know as Scotch.
Step Five:
Re-christen the vehicle the Subaru Impreza WRC Limited Edition SRV (for “Scotch Retrieval Vehicle).
Step Six:
Drive like Sir Jackie Stewart to the nearest Scotch dispensary that carries a fine selection of your favorite drink and select a stunning example to take home. Your fellow Scotch enthusiasts will marvel at your technical prowess and Scotch procurement expertise.
The Instigator
